I received this question the other day.
“As you have said, anchors open the doors to allow someone to see what kind of person we are. This is often is the response I have seen you give to those people who ask you “how do i anchor someone to become attracted to me?” “how do i anchor someone to love me?” My self included:) The way i am currently understanding this concept is that once she sees what kind of person i am then that can allow her to organically come to have feelings of attraction or love towards me.
My confusion was about something you said about 32 minutes into the being unforgettable gold members video. many guys make the mistake of thinking that by becoming a women’s friend that she will eventually see what a wonderful guy he is and then fall in love with him. Apparently this is not true according to the video.
So i’m still thinking that by using anchors i am opening the doors to allow her to see what kind of person I am and then organically she can come to be attracted to me. To me it seems like these two concepts contradict each other.
Now when a guy first meets a girl he generally does not start off as immediatly being more than a friend. Usually some level of friendship and comfort is established. Then from there maybe they will get to know each other enough to where falling in love happens naturally. But apparently a friendship connection is not a good thing to have if we are trying to get into boyfriend girlfriend relationship.
I guess i need to learn how to a establish a different kind of connection with her. One which isnt a friend or buddy but still allows her to feel comfort and trust with me while at the same time me not getting stuck in the friend funnel.
In the video you taught us the behaviors and attitudes to have to avoid getting stuck in the friend funnel but i dont know how to show these behaviors and attitudes when I first meet someone.”
First let me clear a few things up.
Our concept of anchoring is a bit different than other people might suggest. Using an anchor is not a remote control. It allows you to open doors between you and the other person that are not naturally already open. You can use various states to open those doors. For instance. Getting an anchor of comfort that usually takes months or years to acquire naturally, can be very useful. That kind of comfort opens doors and allows you to present yourself without the normal distrust and caution that you would normally have to overcome. This is really handy when getting to know someone, selling a product or even getting good service at a restaurant.
After that happens what you do next will determine how you get categorized. We call that getting placed in a funnel. For instance once you get placed in the friend funnel every action you take will be looked at through the filter of a friend. The further down that funnel you get the narrower it gets and the harder it is to get out of that funnel.
If you act like a friend you will be put into the friend funnel very quickly. This is where most people, men and women, make a huge mistake. They think that if they can get close by being friends then they can later show what a wonderful person they are to impress the person they are interested in. That only gets them more firmly into the friend funnel.
What can you do?
In the Gold Member Seminar I show you a few things but let me mention one here. Since you are int he position of knowing where you want to end up, you have to do a few things. One is to choose the course you want to travel. Since most people choose the friend course that is where they end up stuck. They other course of attraction and possible relationship is a tough course to hold to if you have emotions like desperation, neediness and scarcity. I can tell you the exact actions to take but if you have these emotions you will not be able to do them.
“Now i think i’m a pretty decent guy but the way i look at it is that allot of girls will actually get to know what kind of person i am after i have opened those doors with anchoring but will still not be attracted to me. Maybe that’s a 3d mind problem. Maybe it really is just me. Maybe i am missing the behavioral aspects of it.”
This is where calibration comes in. I can’t give you a formula of behavior for every person on the planet. What I can tell you is this. You attitude will lead your outcome. So let me give you a few ideas on how most people screw up and maybe that will help.
1. Offering to do something for them to gain their favor- The problem with this is that you end up as a servant. Doing their homework, fixing their car, giving them a ride to the store, giving them money, ect.
2. Being an entertainer- Acting as if it is your job to entertain them by telling jokes, taking them places, feeling responsible for the conversation, making each meeting an event, ect.
3. Faking- Pretending to like things, doing things you don’t like, lying, ect.
Relationships are about finding someone who is a match for you not about convincing someone that you are something you are not. You will never discover anything about them if you are busy believing that people will not be attracted to you once they see you for who you are. if you don’t like who you are then work on changing that. That is why many people follow what we do. We help them change into the person they would like to be.
One last thing. You can’t change into the person you would like to be by ignoring the person you are. You first have to be honest with yourself. You have to look at what needs changed and then take the steps to change it.
This is the biggest mistake most people make. Anchoring is a very powerful tool. The way we teach it, anchoring can be awesomely powerful. Most people who learn it in order to overpower people they are attracted to. They want anchoring to be more like a date rape drug. They want to control do they can hide their insecurities rather than fix them.
That always leads to disaster. Sooner or later you will have to live up to the anchor. If you can’t then everything falls apart.
Anchoring is subtle tool not a club to control people. Those who try and use it as a club usually implode because they are pushing away the real issues and using a tool to cover up what needs to be worked on.
This is why we developed the 3D Mind and why we continue to develop it. After you get some level of getting your head on straight everything else becomes easier.