Yesterday I had a 3 hour conversation with Dr. Ken Giuffre. I WISH some of
you had heard it. I also wish we had recorded it. Ken is the guy who has
catapulted the development of the 3D Mind personal change process that we
have created. His years of research on how the brain works and how personal
change can happen by using the biological brain processes that are natural
have changed the way we look at personal change and empowerment.

One of the many subjects we talked about was the tendency of people to avoid
discomfort and stay where they are even though where they are sucks. It
becomes familiar. Their life becomes nothing more than a series of habits.
Those habits tend to allow you to stay in a predictable track even if that
track is harmful.

I met a girl the other night in a bar. Why is it always a bar! She was a
waitress and we began talking. I asked her about herself and found out that
she had just moved back into town from another state to leave a boyfriend
that was beating her. So I asked why she went out of state. She told me she
left with her husband to move there but divorced him because he beat her and
was a drug addict. The she told me about several other relationships that
she had and the thing they all had in common was that they all were drug
addicts and abusive. The friend I was with immediately said that he did not
use drugs! She was cute. Unfortunately he would have been better off if he
was a heroin addict. That is what she must have liked

She has completely stopped thinking and has been just doing the same
relationship habit over and over again.

The example Ken used was how barnacles live. A barnacle will float around
the ocean until it finds a spot to connect to. After it becomes attached to
something the barnacle simply digests its brain. It is no longer needed.

So many people behave just like a barnacle. They go through life doing the
same thing over and over without any thought at all about doing anything
differently. They get a job and they stay with that kind of job their whole
lives. They never consider that all of their experience can easily transfer
to any other field. They have digested their brain!

This happens for a very simple reason. The brain is very economical. It
tends to think in ways it has always thought in order to conserve energy. In
order to jumpstart the brain you have to change the way you brain accesses
information and emotion.

This jumpstart might not fix the problem but it can get the ball rolling.

Think of ideas, goals, desires or creativity. They are all like seeds of
thought. In order for those seeds to grow they need certain things. They
need fertile ground. It the ground is barren, worn out or used up; nothing
will grow. You need to keep the weeds out. Other distractions, time eaters
and self doubts are like weeds. They draw nutrition from the seed. If they
do not get these things the idea just fades away and the old habit takes
it’s place. You end up with a digested brain behavior.

So many people run around doing the same brain digested behaviors without
ever questioning it. The vote one way no matter what. They buy the same
products from the same company no matter what. They make up their mind once
and then they are done. They even are drawn to the same kind of people over
and over again no matter what.

Even worse many people and given up their free will by finding someone who
has an opinion and will make their decision for them. It could be the
network news or their trusted neighbor but they never really make up their
own mind. To say these people are sheep is actually a bit insulting to
sheep. These people are barnacles. They don’t even move on their own….they
attach to something like a ship and let the ship carry them around.

What is the answer?

Well It could be a Jumpstart.

Something different has to happen. We have to change the way you access you
habitual behaviors and thoughts so that we can again access the ability you
had before you digested your brain. This is what I am planning for January.
It is a 30 Day Jumpstart program. We can Jumpstart your life in order for
you to access all of the resources you have in order to achieve what you
want in your life.

I have to be honest. This is not going to be cheap. It is going to be very
intensive. It is going to take a lot of my time and a lot of your energy. I
will tell you more in the coming weeks.

Have fun

Tom

Www.essential-skills.com

Don’t get your hopes up?

This has to be one of the most frustrating things I hear people say. When you think about it. The whole reason you would not get your hopes up is to protect yourself from disappointment.

What that tells me is that we have a bunch of people running around terrified to be disappointed.

Even worse,Most people expect failure. They intellectually rationalize that if they expect to fail and then succeed that they will be even happier AND, avoid disappointment. Wow,that is a double bonus!

The happiest people I know expect happiness. Sure they have disappointment but they handle it by not focusing on it. Just the opposite is true when you try to avoid disappointment. It becomes the focus of your entire life. Every decision is tainted by the avoidance of being disappointed.

Winners win because they expect to win. People are happy because they expect to be happy. People succeed because they expect to succeed.

Lets break this down even further. Think of your brain as a prediction machine.  No matter what you are doing your brain is constantly trying to fill in what is going to happen next. Have you ever drunk something that you expected to be one thing but it ended up being something else?  Even if the thing you didn’t expect is quite good tasting it is an unpleasant experience. 

This is just one small example of your brain being guided by your expectations.  While the brain is constantly trying to predict what is going to happen next it also is taking in input from your expectations of what is going to be happening next.  It then begins to sort through the input of information to look for things that support the expectation.

It will delete any information that does not match the expectation.  This is a great mechanism for survival. It helps us find what we are looking for when looking for food or water or danger.  It is a great searching tool. 

It is a lousy way to live in a modern world.  If you meet someone of the opposite sex and you expect him/her to dislike you then any signal that looks even a little like disapproval becomes magnified. It becomes part of your prediction. Now that your prediction has come true it takes even less of a signal to set off the next rejection alarm.

If you want to lift a box and I tell you how heavy it is and that you might not get too far with it, you will have the experience of it being very heavy even if it is only moderately heavy.  You will tire sooner because you begin to sort for signs of fatigue.

If I claim to be a psychic and you believe in psychics, I can predict that you will meet a tall dark stranger in a black jacket. You will break that down into different things to sort for. First it would eliminate anyone you already knew.  Then you might sort for tall people. Then maybe dark people would be your next choice. Then you would look at their jacket.

A funny thing would happen next. You would see a dark man in a black jacket that is average but maybe tall and accept that the prediction came true. Maybe you would see a tall man in a black jacket who has lighter skin but dark hair. You could rationalize that is fulfilling the prediction.  Then you could see him in a dark brown jacket and say that is close to black.

Your rationalization will support the prediction and widen the sorting for matching information.  Because you do that it would be almost impossible to convince you that the psychic prediction did not come true.

To say that you get what you focus on is a very common observation. The real question is HOW to change those expectations.  Just telling you to expect the best and you will get it is stupid advice. Any moron could figure that out. It is the kind of junk you expect to here from a late night infomercial self help guru wannabe.

So lets change the focus a bit. 

What is your prediction?

Think of anything you want to do and think about what your prediction is.  If you want to get a job, sell something, meet someone or even just clean your house, what is your predicted outcome?

What are the signs that your prediction is coming true?

Time and time again I get the funniest answers to this question. If they don’t smile I failed. If she/he looks away that means they are bored of me.  If she is not completely focused on every word I say she hates me.  If I call and they don’t answer I am rejected.

How do you rationalize that it did come true?

Here is where life gets stupid. It usually starts with ” I heard somewhere that it means X’ . 

Because the prediction began a sorting of information to fit the prediction, generally a lot of positive information is completely ignored.  Everything else could be wonderful but that one sign is what was being sorted for. 

By not getting your hopes up, what feeling are you trying to avoid?

I was talking to someone the other day, which is what made me think of this article, and they had an opportunity. Is that vague enough ☺ .  I suggested that they had a good chance of getting the opportunity. It was an if they became possessed and out of their mouths came this ” Yes but I want to be prepared not to get it” .  So I asked if it might not be better to prepare for actually getting it. They responded ” Well it would be a nice surprise if I did”. Then I suggested that it might be better to be surprised if you didn’t get it. They were shocked. Automatically they responded, ” That would hurt too much!”.

How do I make better predictions Tom and Kim?

Well The best way I to understand the predictions you are having now. This will tell you what your predictions are protecting your from or what they do to satisfy you. That is the area in your life that needs work. Even then you have to watch what your prediction will be.

This time of year many people make resolutions. If you ask them about their predictions of those resolutions you will soon discover why so few people actually keep them. They have already predicted failure. Many use the rationalization that MOST people do not keep them so it is OK that they did not.

You have to decide what kind of like you want. You have to decide if you are where you want to be.  Then use your favorite self help tool to work on getting there OR toss this post in the trash an rationalize why you don’t have to.

This is a lot of what we will address in the 30 Day online butt kicking program that we will put together in January.  We will push you to get the things you want by addressing all you crap predictions and the behaviors, rationalizations and beliefs that support your crap predictions.

Have fun

Tom and Kim.

Many of us have very busy lives and just don’t have time to wade through 20 yahoo posts to find the one post that is interesting to us. Instead we have many ways of you finding out what is going on and where to get the BEST information.

The biggest drawback of Yahoo is the inability to post video. That means that I have to write 10 posts to make one simple point that I could have made in a 5 minute video. That is a huge time waster for me and you.

So here are all the ways to keep track of what is going on and where to get the video updates or articles that we provide several time a week.

Follow me on Twitter. I real time update service that can go straight to any email or phone. It is limited to just a few sentences but will guide you to new updates or videos. http://twitter.com/tomvizzini

Facebook. Facebook is an amazing site and automatically plugs into twitter. Just go to facebook .com and open an account. Then search for Tom Vizzini. Also search for Kim McFarland.

Our new site where all video can be viewed that is responding to essential skills posts. http://essential-skills.ning.com/

Our other new site that is relationship based. All aspects of attraction are open game on Attitudes of Attraction http://attitudesofattraction.ning.com/ . I think this is the BEST alterative to all the seduction crap out there that feeds on the insecurities of men and women. It is pretty new so lets get it rolling.

Best of all is our Gold Member Area. We have monthly online seminars that are 2 to 3 hours long on a variety of topics. There is over 100 hours of video up there right now that is immediately accessible. When you sign up. That is ONLY 20 dollars a month for almost 40 hours a year of live video seminar interaction PLUS a huge seminar and demonstration library.

For those on the 3D Mind list we have the member only 3d mind group http://3dmind.ning.com/. If you purchased the 3D Mind from us you may join this group for FREE! Just email us and we will send you an invitation. We have video responses to questions and online live help for those that ask for it.

Finally, get our newsletter announcements or special articles and seminars through our mailing list
http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1102122234582&p=oi

I know MANY of you already belong to these services. If you do not you need to sign up now to get the FULL advantage of being here.

Personally I will be using Yahoo less and less. If you would like a extremely high return on the investment of your time I suggest you subscribe to these services today and stay connected.

Thanks

Tom and Kim

“i been woundering what are the best ways to talk to complete strangers and get them talking? now when i get talking to some one say someone im calling to with my job thats fine i get talking but what about on the street or anywhere else. tom u said on ur last vid whats stopping u using the skills well mine is starting the coversation with people in general whenever i want. any tips?”

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