Kim McFarland and Tom Vizzini present…Magical Rapport
The 4 Levels and 7 Secrets of Building Rapport
How to connect, move, and influence people before you even open your mouth
The key to any type of persuasion or influence is the ability to generate deep rapport INSTANTANEOUSLY.
I first noticed this years ago when I would get deep rapport with
someone. I could feel my face get red and my solar plexus get warm. I first wrote this off as coincidence. Then I noticed that they would have the same reaction.
Well I knew that I was going for rapport but they sure didn’t. I began to try to get rapport with people from across the room and then with people that were not even looking at me yet. They all had the same response. They would blush a little and look around. Some of them would just walk up to me.
Well this was nothing like the old mirror them so they feel comfortable technique. It was more like kick the barn doors open I’m coming in!
As you can see the whole lot more to building rapport than just mimicking . I was on a plane going to teach a seminar in the Bahamas. They played one of these short movies and it was about something they call the Chameleon Effect. Somebody gave some professor $200,000 to walk around and mirror people. For $200,000 this is what they found out. If you are already in rapport with someone mirroring increased that rapport slightly. If you did not have rapport with someone, mirroring irritated them.
The way we teach building rapport is a little different. We teach that the mirroring is a RESULT of rapport not necessarily the way to get it. Psychologists and scientists made an interesting observation along time ago. The notice the people who were in rapport also had similar body movements. In my opinion the mistake was made was assuming that it was the body movements that was getting a rapport rather than noticing that was a result of the rapport.
It’s like saying to exhaust fumes make an engine run. Yes there are fumes there while it’s happening and without them you would be sure that the engine was not running. That doesn’t mean that by shoving exhaust fumes back in through the exhaust pipe that the engine will run and car will move.
What I have noticed is that there are four basic levels of building rapport.
1. Where you feel more comfortable talking to them.
2. Where they feel more comfortable talking to you.
3. Where you make a connection on an unconscious level and are able to get a sense of the states that they are in.
4. You have a connection, can sense the states and influence their states
non-verbally by shifting your state.
So now we have for identifiable levels. These are not the levels of depth of rapport but the skill levels of the person who wants rapport. Depending on your skill level you’ll get various types of connections.
To me building rapport is about connection. Most of this connection occurs the unconscious level. Of course there is another level of rapport with many people ignore. It is an energetic level. The premise that operate out of it is that people connect on an energetic level easier than they do on a conscious level.
Okay, what is energy? I don’t know and I don’t care. I know the most people had the experience of thinking about someone can having to give you a phone call within just a few minutes. Some have had the experience of picking up the phone to dial phone call someone only to have them already on the phone because they were already there and your phone never rang. That is because people make connections on levels other than what we are aware. This is does not play a factor. These connections can be just as strong whether someone is standing next you or whether they are on the opposite side of the world. I don’t attach any beliefs or theories to this. I just treat it as a fact.
The results of this belief in the process we’ve created is that we teach people how to get rapport BEFORE the other person even sees them. Sound impossible? Well a lot of our students would have said so before they had the experience. So far the feedback we have gotten is that this is simply the most powerful connection that they have ever had.
Let me give you the basic steps to the can understand how moving through the process could help you build that type of connection.
First, you need to have the ability to quiet your mind. This means moving your agenda out of the way. This also means that if you’re about the try to take advantage of someone that most likely you’re not going to be able to get rapport. The reason is simple. The connection you make is a two-way connection. That means that they will feel your intent is.
Second, train your unconscious to observe what our conscious mind cannot. Through several techniques that we teach , the unconscious mind gets trained to pick up minute bio responses. These are responses that are not only seen but felt. The second part of that is to calibrate to those responses and what they mean.
Third, learn the mechanisms of energetic connections. There are many different mechanisms that all turn the same bolt. Some people use Tai Chi. Others meditate. Others use some type of ritual. It doesn’t matter which path you take they all lead to the same place. By learning the concepts of energy, focus and intent, you learn how to actually tap into that energetic mechanism that leads to connections.
Fourth, learn to step into someone else’s reality and safely leave yours completely behind. In order to understand other people it’s easiest if you do so without any of your personal filters in the way. As long as you cling onto what you think and believe, you’ll have a hard time connecting. That doesn’t mean that you have to go down to their level. I think of it in a musical term. If you have two pianos playing the same note all you have is two pianos playing the same note. Two different notes can create a harmonic chord.
Fifth, when the most amazing things that I have learned is that when you connect to someone in a very clean and neutral state, how much information you can gather. It’s like you become a thermostat. You can actually sense the states that other people are in. We use this what we teach modeling. Most people don’t actually know what they’re doing when they perform skill.
By using this step we can actually track the states that someone goes through by feeling them. They ever to golf swing has five states. The you ask golfer how they do it , they will tell you 15 different techniques will never be able to actually describe the states they go into. This is a very useful skill.
Sixth, shifting other people states without saying one single word. The learned is to actually have to be able to learn to control your states. Imagine if you could shift someone state from neutral to curious and then from curious to intrigue and from there to fascination. Where would that the useful? I don’t know it would sure sound like a good time to hold your business card. What if you could move someone from depressed and neutral? It would sure save a lot of time. What if you take someone from neutral to the feeling they have within just spotted an old friend in the crowd.
Learning to control your states and move them smoothly so that you can maintain the connection is a very powerful skill. I think the main reason that so many people spend so little time on rapport is because they have fallen into the old model of mirror and connect. This is not only about controlling your state but projecting it in a way to influence one-person or a group.
The seventh part to me is the most interesting. How to maintain that
connection and adjusted it. We teach several techniques of one of my favorites is the Golden Bubble Technique. It gives you the ability to include do you want inside the rapport and exclude others. I’ve always been fascinated by most people are interested in pushing people away rather than pulling people in the technique for generally removing someone has been dubbed Smurfing. The reason for this is the original visualization was taking someone you didn’t want around surrounding them with a blue bubble, coloring them blue, imagining they were very cold and then shrinking them.
Earlier I talk about harmonic resonance. This would be like playing a chord and then assigning a sour note to the person you didn’t want around. Very highly effective. Very non-confrontational because when they leave a think it’s their idea.
You ask about what the advanced skills are. Well believe it or not there are skills more advanced than what I’ve outlined here. These are just the basic skills we teach. On our website there are testimonials to have some pretty amazing stories. Everything from making people spin around and walked up to them to one guy sitting in a bookstore and getting rapport with people and then saying himself “mmmm this coffee is good” and then having them immediately set down whenever book they were reading and go by coffee… At least five times. At some point you have to rule out coincidence.
|Magical Rapport ™3 DVD Set with Booklet||
|Or For Best ValueSpecial 5 DVD Rapport Deal||
5 DVDs and 1 booklet