Most self help gurus think it is a bad idea to get your feelings hurt by other people. They think the first step is to take responsibility for your feelings.
If I am responsible then I can do something about it…. but you know what… the reality is that some people suck. Some people are not able to connect. Some people will hurt you. Guess what.. sometimes it will not be your fault. Saying that you are taking responsibility for how you feel is just another way of trying to control your feelings. Then you can change your feelings. I get that. My experience in teaching thousands around the world to deal with this is… stop fighting and trying to control your feelings.
It is a trap you cannot get out of. The more you try and change a feeling the more the feeling begins to rule your life. It is like trying to control the weather. You can’t control the rain but you can build a resilient roof. It is silly to stand in the rain and insist it is not raining. It is even sillier to think the rain is your responsibility. The advice to take responsibility and power is one of those pieces of advice that does more harm than good in our experience. Add to that it just is irritating to people who are in the middle of the bad experience. It is an intellectual bit of advice that sounds good but in real world application in rarely is any help in the long term
You don’t have to have POWER. That is the trap. It is about not needed to be powerful and being able to experience all aspects of life.
This has been an ongoing theme in Tony Robbins seminars Unlimited Power or any other POWER based self help. The result has been then unintended consequence is that there are a group of self help followers that are under the impression that they should be able to control all of their feelings.
Power is the lie. Power is the trap…. The quest for power is really the quest of avoidance. 🙂 What we have found is that the sound bites from self help books are 99% wrong. The advice to take responsibility and power is one of those pieces of advice that does more harm than good in our experience. Add to that it just is irritating to people who are in the middle of the bad experience. It is an intellectual bit of advice that sounds good but in real world application in rarely is any help in the long term.
What is the answer?
The trick is being the kind of person that can handle the process and avoid being the person who runs away from it. It is about not being paralyzed by the process and knowing that you have a method to getting through it. I have personally helped many people get through this. I know what they go through and how they beat themselves up over it.
When you are able to feel like crap and still function…. that is real power! There is no need to avoid it because you KNOW it will not last.