The biggest lie you can tell yourself is thinking that you know what you have to be in order to be happy.
Some think they need to be thin
Some think they need to be pretty
Some thing they need to be cool
Some think they need to be powerful
Some thing they need to be rich
These are all the lies we tell ourselves and base our goals of happiness on. It is a terrible trap that leads to disappointment. This time of year so many base their resolutions on these false hopes and lies. Yes all of those things would be nice. They are not the cure for any problems you might have. Yeah if you are overweight and insecure it is natural to think that being thin would make you feel more secure.
Of course if you feel unattractive it is natural to think that being pretty would solve all your problems.
Yes if you are weak and pushed around all the time it is natural to think that being strong is the answer to a lifetime of misery.
We all know that being rich is that answer to everything … right? There are no miserable rich people…. right?
It is natural and make sense emotionally that when we feel bad that we search for the opposite of how we feel to be the answer to our problems. Emotional decisions never really work out. When making this kind of choice we are reacting to life and not living life. We tend to jump from one direction to the other in hopes of finding the answer.
The problem is that the emotional part of your brain is not built for thinking. It is built for primal survival. The adaptive part of your brain makes the good decisions that help you actually life that happy life you desire.
So think of your goals. Are they really what you need or do they just help you avoid how you really feel about yourself?
We see this all the time. Movie stars who seem t have everything. The latest self destructive tale is Lindsey Lohan. As we watch her fall apart who is not asking what is so bad in her life that she has to be an addict? She is rich, famous, beautiful, and… miserable.
OK Tom I get it but what should I be doing?
It comes own to one simple concept. You can’t plan your future while running from you past. There is a difference between liking yourself as you are an accepting who you are. Accepting who you are does not lead to making changes. Liking who you are allows you to notice your flaws and be okay with them … while making changes and improving yourself.
So what is the difference. Let me give you an example. I like working out. I work out because I like myself. I don’t work out because I hate being fat. Being in shape feels good but it does not make me happy. I am happy so I want to stay in shape.
So take a look at your goals and ask yourself “Do I want this because it helps me overpower something bad I feel or believe about myself?” If so then you need to make some changes before you pick a direction for your life.